matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
