you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
