yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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