Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
