just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
