I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
