he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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