Your dad touched me again.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
