..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
