dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
