I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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