i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
