come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
