i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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