Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
