I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
