I saw his package. It spoke to me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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