Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
