Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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