Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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