So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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