Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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