There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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