he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i dont even know how to be here
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
