I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
