I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
