Need sex. Gaining weight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
