he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
