Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
