So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
