You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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