How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
