Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
