Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
