i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The best revenge is premature balding
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
