i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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