i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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