You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
