Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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