i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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