I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
