PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
