Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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