my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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