I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
