So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
