ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
