i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
