that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
