just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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