'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
